We have had some incredibly strange and stupid client conversations lately. When I say "We" for the most part I mean our sainted receptionists. They've had the brunt of them this week.
Let's start with Stupid.. shall we? I came up to the front desk where one of the receptionists, Saint J was very obviously trying to disengage a client on the phone, so she could do the rest of her job. Some of these clients just seem to want to talk. About EVERYTHING. Maybe some of them are lonely, or just don't have friends that want to listen to every detail about their precious pets. Either way, though we try to be as polite as possible when dealing with clients on the phone, there are possibly other things going on. Maybe there are 6 people at the front desk waiting to be checked in, or the phones (we have multiple lines) are ringing off the hook. When I arrived, this is what was being said: "No, sir, I would NOT recommend that." "I think it would actually end up costing you much more than $300 if you do that" "And, you could be arrested for animal cruelty.. no I actually am serious." She eventually got him off the phone. He had found a male dog. He thought he would keep it. However, it needed to be neutered. So, of course, after hearing the price quote on an exam, vaccines, and a neuter, he thought he'd ask if she thought it was ok to just "band" him to neuter him. (Because, she probably just forgot to give him that option.) His logic was "they do it to pigs". By now you are thoroughly horrified and disgusted as you read this. I'm here to say, it gets dumber. The reason he needed to get this dog neutered (other than the obvious, good pet owner reason)? He didn't want this dog to impregnate his Goldendoodle. Seriously. He plans to breed her, to what I have no idea. He just can't have this mongrel dog getting her pregnant. The last part of the conversation switched to "where can I find a doggy sperm bank around here". Because of course, he has yet to find the right stud dog for this Doodle. Now you know why I call them the sainted receptionists.
Next up, we have a story from Saint S, another receptionist. She took a price quote call from a seemingly normal, intelligent pet owner. She wanted to know what we charged for vaccines. Rabies, Distemper, and the Border Collie vaccine. Saint S thought she heard wrong. Yes, of course she meant the Bordetella vaccine, which gets called lots of things, like the bordello shot (my personal favorite). But then, at the end of the conversation she repeated it. "How much was that Border Collie shot?" It was an innocent mistake, but how S kept from laughing, I'll never know. Was the dog a Border Collie? Uh, no. It was a Havanese. It was a black and white Havanese, maybe that was the catch. What would a Border Collie shot do for your dog? Make it incredibly intelligent? Give it the urge to herd livestock? Give it a tennis ball obsession?? So many questions.
This next story is one you've already heard if you are one of my facebook friends, but I needed to add it to this group. A small toy breed comes in for vaccinations and grooming. She is 10 months old, and quite overdue for boosters. When the technician gives them the estimate for what would be done that day, he said "Oh no, we won't be needing that Rabies shot, her little teeth would never even break skin". Really? Small dogs actually CAN'T bite? How do they each hard kibble? Considering most groomers will tell you if they have been bitten by a dog, it was by a toy breed, this is just not good information. After a short talk on the importance of the rabies vaccine, the little dog is now protected.
Last, today I had a Scottish Terrier come in, who has been a regular for me for a few years. He is a horrible brat, and in all those years, I've never been able to brush out his face. Why? Because I can't remove the muzzle he is required to wear for the grooming. I'm not willing to risk my hands to brush his face. The owner started coming to me because she was kicked out of the last groomer's place. They told her they wouldn't groom him without sedation. I get him done, but I refuse to brush his face. I'm the only one who can muzzle him for the vet, who he is even worse for. These people KNOW this dog is nasty. They can't brush his face either. You are probably thinking: That dog's face must be one solid matt! My answer to you? No clue, I would never actually touch this dog's face, it's too dangerous. They, however are in denial and like to tell me he is the "best dog they've ever had", and "he's so sweet". Today, the husband dropped him off. He was carrying him in his arms. He offered to hand him to me, which I turned down. I told him the dog didn't really like me, and probably wouldn't want me to carry him. The owner feigned surprise, and said "I can't believe he isn't good for you!" "This dog is perfect at home!" "You can do anything to him, you can lay on him, you can ride him.." RIDE HIM???? This is a Scottie! He is maybe 12 inches tall at the shoulders. Who rides him? A baby? A Gnome? A Monkey? No clue, but I had no time to see if he'd like to elaborate. It did give me a good laugh, though.